She's here!

Introducing Tziona Esther Gras, born 7 lbs 4oz on Christmas Day, 2009, at 3:39 pm.

I have gotten many requests for details about the birth, so here it is. For those with abundant free time and an interest in childbirth, read on. If talk of hospitals and body parts and pain makes you bored/queasy/angry, I would probably stop reading now.

The story begins on Christmas Eve in the morning. I was having decent contractions, although they were irregular and spaced pretty far apart, so Sam stayed home from work. Things really didn't pick up, so we just hung out at home and made chocolate chip cookies for the nurses since we assumed we'd end up there at some point in the near future.

At around 5:30 pm (while watching 21 Jump Street on Hulu), I felt a gush and realized my membranes had ruptured. We spoke to the doctor, who was concerned about meconium staining in the amniotic fluid, so we headed to the hospital. Ultimately, we were admitted even though I was barely dilated, and I was hooked up to a Pitocin IV and fetal monitor around 11 pm. And while this wasn't really what I had envisioned for the birth, I decided it wasn't worth risking further complications from infection and low fluid levels.

I labored without any pain medication for about 4 hours, trying every different position I could while remaining hooked up to the monitor. We had an AMAZING nurse who had tons of suggestions and supported both Sam and I as much as we needed. But when I was examined at 3 am and found out I was only 2 cm, I realized there was no way I could handle another 8-9 hours of almost-constant contractions. When I finally asked for the epidural, I felt totally defeated, but I also knew I had reached the threshold of what I was capable of physically handling.

Once the epidural was in, Sam and I were both able to get a few hours of sleep. We woke up around 7 and the next several hours are just a blur in my mind. In the early afternoon, my OB came in for another check and I was finally 9 cm, but the baby was face-up. After a little discussion, she successfully turned her and all of a sudden I was 10 cm!

I started pushing around 1:30 just as the epidural was wearing off. There are no words in my vocabulary to describe how confusing and painful the next 2 hours were. Even with all the encouragement from my doctor, nurse, and husband, I just couldn't get her head all the way out. As I was ready to give up yet again and ask for a forcep-assist, the doctor brought in someone to push down on my belly for just a few more contractions. All I can remember is screaming as the head finally emerged, at which point they realized the cord was wrapped loosely around her, the probable cause of all the difficulty. Once the cord was cut, she popped right out, and just like that, it was over.

She was suctioned and cleaned up while Sam took pictures. There was some concern about her breathing, but ultimately they decided she was fine. I held her almost right away and she immediately began trying to breastfeed. Someone asked me the other day what my first thoughts were when I held her, and I wish I could remember but I was so exhausted and overwhelmed, I can't recollect any emotion other than relief.

We went home the next day, exactly 24 hours later. Our first night at home together was surprisingly easy, thanks to my incredible husband. And so here we are, a family of three at last, excitedly looking forward to everything the future holds for us.

Patience...

It's only a matter of time now. After a small meltdown the other night, I am feeling a bit better about everything, and I do feel like she might come soon. Regardless, I think I'll probably hold off on any further commenting on the situation until everything is over, just to avoid making myself insane.

As the year comes to a close and I think about spending almost all of it being pregnant, I realize just how much my life has changed in 2009. We started the year as newlyweds, and we're going to finish it as parents, which is a bit crazy. But every day I am even more certain that we have made the right choices and we're going to fine, better than fine, with the inevitable chaos of 2010.

And while I still think 10 months is a totally ridiculous amount of time to be pregnant, it has forced us to pause somewhat and adjust to the idea of being three instead of two.

I'm done counting days because at this point, does it really matter?

Acceptance

Yes, I've reached the point of accepting that this baby is not going to surprise me and come early, no matter what I try. And I have also accepted the possibility of an induction in 2 weeks if she's really pokey.

Like I have some sort of choice in the matter.

Needles and Pins

I had my first labor induction acupuncture treatment yesterday. I certainly didn't expect immediate results, but I guess part of of me was secretly hoping for some really strong contractions or something. Nada. I'm going back tomorrow and as many times as I can squeeze in next week in hopes that it will have some sort of effect.

After doing a little investigation on the internet, it seems that acupuncture really just has the same effect as all the other homeopathic/natural things I've been trying, i.e. it stimulates the production of prosteglandin and oxytocin to help soften the cervix and prepare the body for labor. The baby still has to be ready to come for it to have any effect, or as the acupuncturist said, "when the fruit is ripe, it fall from the vine." Oh well.

While I'm happy Sam is excited, his impatience does nothing to ease my own. And my mother will be here in a week, which is adding a bit to my anxiety as well since I'm not exactly what we're going to do together other than wait for the baby to come. If I didn't feel so much like my pelvis was being crushed, I think I would have a slightly more positive attitude about things, but who knows, maybe not.

12 days until my due date...

I'll try anything

Yes, I know I'm only 38 weeks and TECHNICALLY, this kid has 14 days before she's even overdue. But anyone who knows me realizes patience is not my strong suit. Combine natural impatience with incredible discomfort, and you have a woman ready to try anything to move things along at a quicker pace.

The ridiculousness about anything rumored to hasten or induce labor is that there is actually no way of knowing or proving if they work. Ultimately, babies just come when they want to and in all likelihood, nothing we do really affects them one way or another. But here's what I've tried so far:

• red raspberry leaf tea every day for the last 2 months - this actually isn't supposed to induce labor, just tone the cervix to prepare for a more effective labor
• evening primrose oil at every meal for the last 2 weeks
• pineapple - tons of pineapple, with some kiwi and mango thrown in for good measure
• tons of cardio - the other day I informed Sam I wasn't coming home from the gym until the baby was born...after 45 minutes on the treadmill and 30 minutes on the elliptical, I had to face the fact it wasn't going to happen
• spicy food - Thai, Malaysian, clumps of wasabi with my sushi...nothing
• squatting, sitting on an exercise ball, climbing stairs
• relaxation and visualization - if only I had the power to make things happen just by thinking about them, life would be a lot more interesting
• and yes, the one everyone suggests with a giggle, since nothing is funnier than the idea of an enormously pregnant woman having lots of sex

Still yet untried:

• labor induction acupuncture
• massage
• castor oil - I have to say, this is my last last resort since everything I've read makes it sound absolutely horrible and I feel awful enough without help

Am I forgetting anything? It's 14 days until the due date, so I'm open to suggestions...

UPDATE:

So I got a prenatal massage yesterday. While it was amazing and I felt way more relaxed and in less pain afterwards, I'm still very pregnant.

Less than stellar

Today my company laid off some hardworking employees for no reason other than saving a little money. It makes me angry and sad to know how little integrity corporate America truly has. I have to wonder what this means for me as someone about to go on a 3-month leave, if I'll get paid properly while I am out, what kind of place I will face when I come back to work. Throughout my pregnancy, I have tried so hard not to let anything affect the effort I put into my job, even when I was constantly nauseated, or now, when every step I take sends waves of pain shooting through my body. And what for? Do they even appreciate it or take notice at all? Or are we all just numbers on a spreadsheet?

It's enough to make a pregnant lady curl up on the couch with a cat and cry.

Love this

This blog is amazing. If ever anyone as ever written words closer to my own heart, I have yet to discover them.

Personal favorites so far:

#2 Try to know what is bubbling around inside your heart.
#16 Call if you are going to be late.
#31 If you are out to dinner with a group and get stuck with a bill that is more then you owe, just pay it and don't give it a second thought.
#80 Not everyone is going to like you, and that's just fine.
#98 If you haven't worn it in a year, give it away.
#136 Try to bring things into your home that you either need or love and let the rest go.
#152 Men as a rule are not good mind readers.
#193 Leggings are not pants.
#203 Return your shopping cart. (oh, the elaboration she gives on this is just brilliant)
#209 If you test people, they may fail.

Birth day

No, not the baby's. That would be way too easy.

Today is my dear husband's 31st birthday. Sadly, we're both at work, I have a cold, and his celebration is going to consist of take-out sushi and hopefully a fancy dessert if I can pull my act together this evening. We bought him a few presents over the weekend during our 11-hour Black Friday shopping marathon, and he seems pretty pleased with those. Poor guy will forever have to share his birthday month with our anniversary and the baby, which kind-of takes the specialness away, unfortunately. But I figured I could at least write him a little thank-you letter and post it here so everyone on the Internet knows how amazing I think he is.

Dear Sam,

While I wish your birthday could be marked with lavish celebration and great rejoicing every year as you certainly deserve, this year I hope sharing the night with me and your little-girl-to-be will suffice because, well, it's all I've got for you. I wish there were some way I could show you how immensely grateful and happy I am to be sharing my life with you on this day. In the three short years we've known each other, we have experienced so much joy and accomplished every goal we have set together, and I cannot imagine having a better partner than you.

Thank you for every moment that we spend together, for your patience and kindness, your enthusiasm and optimism. Thank you for second chances and forgiveness and your unwavering support through all types of challenges. Thank you for being willing to compromise and for always keeping an open mind to new experiences and ideas. Thank you for working so hard at everything in life, and for never giving up on me or yourself. Thank you for creating a new life with me and sharing my excitement for building our family, even when the process is less-than-enjoyable. You have made a lot of difficult choices and sacrifices over these last few years, and I know it hasn't been easy, but I hope it has been worth it.

I love you more and more every day, and I know we have decades of wonderful and crazy adventures ahead of us. There is no one in the world I would rather grow old with.

Yours forever and ever,
Sara