No such thing as soon enough

Ok, so now things are starting to be unpleasant. As I told a friend today, I am probably in pain 75% of the day. Apparently this is "normal" and nothing to be concerned about. So fine. Not concerned. Just irritated.

It's not the pain that bothers me, I'm well-versed in physical discomfort and totally fine with it. But it's the waiting for the pain to change, to grow, to have a purpose, that is making me totally nuts. My dreams are all about going into labor and having this baby. Every time I stand up and walk to the bathroom, I analyze the pain to see if anything feels different. I have probably Googled "pre-labor pains" and every variation I can think of 15 times in the last 3 days.

I just want something, anything, to happen that will give me some idea of how many more days I'll wake up feeling like my body has been taken over by an alien, how much longer I'll have to wait to see my baby, how long I have before I cross over the line to being a Parent and leave being a Daughter behind.

Optimal

Had the 36 week visit this morning, the baby is head down and facing back, so she's in the optimal birth position! Breech delivery can pretty much officially be checked off the list of things to worry about, so that's a relief.

I am obviously still fretting about the possibility of needing an induction at 41 weeks. The acupuncturist I've been seeing for back/pelvic pain said there are induction treatments he can do at 39 weeks, so I guess I can give that a shot if necessary. It all depends on what happens over the next few weeks, I suppose. No dilation or effacement yet, but there's still time.

I couldn't sleep last night, I think the excitement is starting to get to me. Only 29 days until everything changes forever!

So wise

While I've never been one to read women's magazines for the sage advice, a recent interview with Michelle Obama in Glamour had a quote that pretty much captures exactly what I wish someone had said to me years ago about men:

"Look at the heart. Look at the soul. Look at how the guy treats his mother and what he says about women. How he acts with children he doesn't know. And, more important, how does he treat you? When you're dating a man you should always feel good. You should never feel less than. You should never doubt yourself. You shouldn't be in a relationship with somebody who doesn't make you completely happy and make you feel whole."

I mean, it seems fairly obvious right? Like something we should instinctively know as women? Yet we have all at one time or another completely lost sight of this in seeking out partners, either because we thought other things were more important, like money or career choices, or maybe because we didn't believe we deserved to feel this way. Regardless, preparing to have a little girl makes me want to save thoughts like this to share with her when the time is right, maybe the day she asks me why I was so old when I got married...

Birthing Class

I cannot say enough good things about the birthing class we chose. On a recommendation from a friend of a friend, I had checked out The Bradley Method months ago, then searched for a class in the New York area. After sending a few emails, I was directed to Mary Esther Malloy, who teaches classes regularly in New York City and also Westchester. She is an experienced doula and trained Bradley instructor, and at the end of our 8 weeks of class, I honestly feel like I know EXACTLY what to expect when the baby comes. Obviously, there are so many different possible scenarios, but we went over everything so thoroughly and completely, I don't expect any huge surprises.

I think the best thing about the Bradley Method is that husbands are encouraged and educated to be their wives biggest supporters in natural childbirth. Sam admitted the idea of having a natural unmedicated birth scared him, that he had never known anyone who had actually done it, and he had no idea what it entailed. But after doing some reading and taking the classes, we both agree that it is definitely our preference to have as natural a birth as possible given the circumstances. Without passing judgment on those who choose medicated births, I am completely certain that this is 100% the best choice.

And yes, I realize I haven't actually gone through it yet. And yes, I'm aware it will hurt. But it's one day of pain, and I'm fairly certain I will survive it. After all, women all over the world have been giving birth without pain meds since the beginning of time, and somehow the human species has persisted. Ultimately, I wonder how many American women actually take the time to educate themselves about what a medicated birth actually means, both for themselves and for their baby, and to consider why we are so quick to cut ourselves off from the physical experience of one of the greatest things our bodies will ever accomplish.

I was sad to hear from my doctor this week that if I go a week past my due date, they will have to induce me. While I am so excited for the baby, I will be so disappointed if I end up chained to an IV and a monitor in a hospital bed for my delivery after all the things we've learned and prepared for. But I guess that means this will be a 2009 baby, whether she likes it or not!

39 days to go.

Almost a year ago...

Sam was a groomsman in a friend's wedding this weekend. Seeing the lovely pictures on Facebook the next day made me think about our wedding, which wasn't even a year ago, but it seems so distant at this point.

I'm sure everyone says this, but I absolutely loved my wedding. Of course, there were a few things I might change if I had it to do all over again, but for the most part, it was a great experience. The decision to have a destination wedding (we got married in Disney World) was certainly the best one we could have made. It was relatively small, and it was kind of like going on vacation with our friends, not just one big night that ended too quickly.

When I look at my wedding pictures, I can't stop smiling. Not because they are so amazing or anything, but because I remember how certain and happy I was to be there, looking into the face of my amazing husband, throwing a big party for the people we love, and beginning a new chapter of my life.

And now it's a year later with another chapter about to begin. 43 days.

Anxiously awaiting...

So I've entered into a new anxious phase of pregnancy. It has nothing to do with the labor itself, I'm totally over that. And I'm not concerned about handling motherhood -- I have pretty much resigned myself to at least a few months of complete chaos. I am just really anxious to see my little girl and know I took good care of her for 10 months.

Of course, the what-ifs are starting as I think about all the things I did or didn't give up throughout this pregnancy. Like coffee and artificial sweetener - cut back but didn't give up. Or spinning - yeah, still going eventhough people look at me in horror. I even had a couple swallows of wine here and there (horrors!) which everyone says is fine in the third trimester, but still... I worry that the sacrifices and changes I made were too small, that I tried too hard to selfishly maintain normalcy and now my baby is going to come out with gills and it's going to be All. My. Fault.

We also ignored every superstition and Jewish custom and bought EVERYTHING in advance, starting when I was just a couple months along. Granted, I don't buy into the belief that somehow planning ahead dooms your child to disaster, but what-if...

The Great Pumpkin!

Halloween is a holiday for two groups of people - those who can get drunk in their fun/slutty/clever costumes and those who have small children. This year, we fell into neither category, so it was a fairly uneventful day. I made pumpkin cupcakes for a friend's pre-party gathering and we went to her apartment to hang out for a little while before they headed to a big event somewhere. We were home by 11 - and I was totally OK with this.

The next day, we picked up a deeply discounted costume for the little one to wear for Purim (that's like Jewish Halloween, for those unfamiliar with the concept) and completed our list of "Things to Buy Before the Baby Comes" a little bit early. Weeks early. I can't help it, I find preparation to be profoundly calming, even when I know I'm being a little crazy.

Oh and in case anyone is interested in making pumpkin cupcakes, I found the recipe via Photograzing on Serious Eats. I made them exactly as instructed with the exception of the fresh ginger. I also used just a basic vanilla vegan buttercream frosting, just because it's easy to pipe and it stays put when being transported long distances on the subway. They turned out beautifully moist and pumpkin-y, and of course, Sam's piping skills made them look pretty good too.
49 days until my due date. Not that I'm counting or anything.